Speak Now.

My plan went a little something like this:

I'd strike up a conversation with Mike at least once a day, or whenever I saw him. That way he'd know I was alive. I mean, he knows I'm alive, but I want him to think of me as more than a friend. So I would talk to him every day and then, when the timing was right, ask him to the semi formal. It was worth a shot right?

In reality, it went a little something like this:

I'd get nervous every time I talked to him. He'd smile and I'd go weak at the knees. I've been crushing on him since January, added him to the list of boys I already liked, and decided he was my best shot at a date. The days went by and I'd miss chance after chance of asking him. I just couldn't bring myself to say the words. I'd freeze up the minute I'd decide to ask. My dress was picked out, my tickets were bought, but I couldn't get a date. How long was I going to wait until I could finally make a move? But the day before the dance arrived and it was too late. I hadn't asked him. I'd be going alone. But it was okay, I had my friends and we were determined to have a great time. We were going to be part of the few Grade 10s showing up, so it would be interesting. Some guys were bound to show up without dates right? And I'm sure one would be willing to spare a dance with me...

Valentine's Day. The day where everyone who's in love shows it to the entire world. I wear my red shirt and hope for something to happen even though I know it won't. During class, Dave says that there shouldn't be a special day to show your love. If you love someone, there should be no stopping you from giving them something. It was sweet and made my brain go haywire with thoughts, but I knew he was just making conversation. Maybe he hates Valentine's Day just as much as I do.

Night falls and I strap myself into my killer heels. My pink dress floats above them and my hair is dead straight like I planned. I've always been the type to do the opposite of everyone else. I have curly hair every day, so on special occasions I'd straighten it. We arrive, everyone dressed to the nines. Boys in tuxes and girls in high heels and we're all ready to dance. My shoes come off quickly, but my dress is too long and I keep tripping over it as I dance. So I suck it up and put my shoes back on, knowing my feet will kill tomorrow. Alex and I dance up a storm. We even try to fast dance to a slow song. We laugh and dance, knowing we don't need guys to have a good time.

But when the last slow song of the night comes on, I know I want to dance with a guy. It's my goal at every dance to dance with a guy or at least one song. I somehow feel accomplished if I do this. Looking around, I notice that Mike isn't here but my secret crush is. I make my way over to him and ask him dance, any nerves I've had before gone.

"Sorry, Jen, I was just about to leave. Next time, okay?"

"Ya, it's fine," I reply, smiling.

It is fine. I'll find someone else to dance with. And that's when I spot him, sitting at his table looking lonely and sad, like he wants to dance too. I've always been too nervous to ask him before even though we were really good friends. But this time, I just bite the bullet and ask him.

"Hey, Terry, do you want to dance?"

"Ya, sure."

And just like that I'm dancing with the one guy who's broken my heart. It always works like that doesn't it? Once you've stopped liking someone, that's when you can ask them, but no, not when you're in love with the guy! We dance softly like we've done it before. He doesn't talk about the fact that we haven't talked since the summer, or why we suddenly stopped being friends, but it's okay. We turn in circles and pretend there's something between us. I curl my hands around his neck and breathe him in, enjoying the moment. When the song ends, we part like it's nothing and I go back to my table.

"I'm so proud of you!" my friend Mysha exclaims as I settle in, getting ready to leave.

I won't lie, I'm pretty proud of myself too. Maybe I'll stop holding a grudge and say hi or smile when he does it to me next time.

We leave with our heads spinning and our laughter spilling out into the streets. I go to sleep giddy, ready for Monday so i can see Mike again, ready to talk to Dave again, and hoping to see Danny's boxers again. Maybe next year's semi will be even better.