The summer heat seeps into my bones, burning me from the inside out. I wish I were by the ocean right now so I could just jump in and forget about the sweat clinging my shirt to my back. I sit in front of my computer, the air continuing doing nothing for my sticky legs. My MSN Messenger is open and waiting. He told me after we finished talking yesterday that he would be on again today. I've been sitting in front of the computer for two hours. I try to let it go as I close the window and head to bed. I try to come up with excuses as to why Terry wouldn't be online when he said he'd be. I think of excuses until my brain can't take it anymore and I fall asleep.
The next day goes exactly the same. So I send him an email, asking what's up, and that I want him to come to my birthday party next week. A reply comes a few hours later. He's busy this week, but he'd love to come to my birthday. He says he's sorry.
So I walk on Cloud 9 for the rest of the week as I prepare for my 15th birthday. I'm giddy as I go shopping with my friends and I can't sleep at night as I picture how the party will go. Terry will arrive at my house. I'll be wearing a cute dress and he'll compliment it. He'll spend the rest of my party only paying attention to me and at the end of the night, after everyone's gone home, I'll walk him to the door and he'll lean in and kiss me. He'll wish me happy birthday softly in my ear and leave like a dream until he calls me the next day. And everything will be great.
The day of my party comes quickly. My backyard is decked out in a luau theme and I'm wearing a hawaiian print skirt and tank top. My fingertips are tingling with hope as I watch the clock and countdown the hours until my guests arrive. Soon my friends are all here and we are laughing, dancing, and enjoying the nice weather in my backyard oasis. But my ears are perked on the door. Every time it opens, I look over and hope to see his face. I continue to watch the door, listen for the phone to ring, wait. I wait.
And wait.
The sun disappears behind the clouds. The cake has been served and we are tired from dancing. My eyes are forever trained on the door even as my perfectly good party goes on around me. I say goodbye to my friends with a smile on my face but as I close the door for the last time, I can't help but still wish he'll show up.
The summer burns fast like a comet and I'm glad for it. The nights are too lonely and the days too long. August comes and so does the carnival. My friends and I gather to enjoy a night out of the house. We walk there, the cool lake breeze promising relief from the heat. The lights come into sight and I forget to be sad. We laugh as we walk through the carnival, watching kids spin on rides and boys win stuffed toys for their girls. I link arms with one of my girlfriends and strut down the aisle, ready to flirt with any boy that comes my way.
That's when I see him. He's with a small group and he's not looking at me - yet. As my eyes lock on him, he looks up and sees me. A large smile spreads across his face and he leaves his group and walks right up to me. I release my friend and walk the few steps towards him. After not seeing him for two months, all I want is to feel him against me. I just want to hear his voice.
"Hey, Jen!"
He leans in and hugs me. Hugs. Me. Suddenly everything feels right in the world.
"Sorry I haven't been around this summer. Lots of family stuff going on."
"Oh, it's fine." I smile, glad that he's talking to me. Nothing else seems to matter in the world.
"Hey, well I gotta go, but I'll see you soon okay?"
I watch as he disappears into the crowd. I try not to think how very much like Romeo And Juliet it feels - like I'm seeing him for the last time alive. I try to shake the feeling.
September comes and I walk into tenth grade a new person. This year will be better than last. No glasses, tamed hair and a new start. I'll find Terry in the hall and he'll smile at me like he did at the carnival. This will be the year. I go through the day anticipating our first sighting. By 3 o'clock I realize we have no classes together and I can't find him in the halls. I keep my head high and know that tomorrow is another day.
I go on MSN after dinner and he's online. My heart picks up speed. I message him and he messages me back. He's sorry we didn't see each other. Mentions we don't have any classes together. We talk about Survivor and everything seems normal. But that feeling in my gut is still there and after we say our goodnights, I crawl into bed and know things will never be the same.
I don't know where I went wrong. I see him in the halls still but we don't talk. He pretends I don't exist. My heart breaks when I see him and suddenly nothing is right. I never see him on MSN anymore and there is no more Survivor talk. It's like I never came into his life at all. Grade 10 was supposed to be better. There is only one way to get over a guy though, isn't there?
Get under another.
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