Night Reprieve. (Except)

I've had this idea for a contemporary roaring through me for months now, but I haven't been writing very much lately. Here's a scene I wrote for it, i'm hoping this makes me want to keep writing. 

There was only one way to make this night better. Even when Ollie and I were dating, I still needed this solace before bed, this time alone where I could just be. My head’s been pounding all day, this hangover threatening to never leave me, and I know I should try to get some sleep because tomorrow at school will be brutal with or without a headache. If I thought it was bad last week, I know this week will be worse. The cat’s out of the bag: Ollie is dating Beth. It’s out there, flashing lights surrounding them. You don’t show up to a party with a girl if you don’t want people to know about you two. It was a statement, one that he knew I would see. It’s not that I thought there was any chance of us getting back together. Heck, I don’t think any part of me even wants to be with him (okay, that’s a lie, there’s a little part of me that misses the crap out of him) but seeing him with Beth has made it brutally clear. He’s over me, he’s moved on, and tomorrow with be the first official day of them as a couple. It’ll be him replacing me and everyone will continue whispering about me. I was hoping that would stop soon, now I know that was only wishful thinking.

I pry my contacts out of my eyes; thankful for the empty feeling it brings me. My house is quiet, everyone asleep and preparing for tomorrow. Cuddling into my favourite sweatshirt, I unhook the lock on my window and push it open. Cool air welcomes me onto my widow’s peak, and I crawl onto the worn wood with glee. Crossing my feet beneath me, I close my eyes and let the wind whip my hair around my face, clearing my mind and reminding me that not everything has to be about school. Jacob constantly reminds me that high school is only four years of my life. He thinks he’s so wise now that he’s in college, but I guess he would know better than me. I’m sure once I’m out of here and in New York, I’ll agree with him, but for now, in this scary moment where I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I can’t imagine a world where people don’t talk behind your back, or betray you, or use your words against you.

When the wind starts to chill me through my clothes, I climb back inside and lock up tight. Shuffling over to my door, I turn off my overhead light and turn on the small bedside light beside my bed. I tuck myself under my blankets, letting my body temperature return to normal and my heartbeat slow down. Grabbing my copy of The Great Gatsby, I forget about the world, school, and especially Ollie and lose myself to other people’s problems. I drown in the book, dive into the pages and forget that I need air to breathe. I don’t come up until I’m ready for dead and my eyes are growing tired. Even as I grow closer to see, I think of Gatsby and what he would do to make all his dreams come true.

Breaking Through.

So my computer crashed. So I lost my most recent novel and the one that I'm working on right now. I'm trying not to let this take me over. I'm trying to be strong and not cry. But it's hard. It's really hard. These stories, these are my babies, my life. my blood, sweat and tears. Yes I can re-write them but it won't be the same. We all know that. It won't be the same. It's all my fault, I'm not blaming anyone else. I have an external hard drive but I hadn't put these two on there. Thankfully, as I need to keep positive, I didn't lose any of my other ones because I had them all on my external drive. Starting all over is going to be hard. I'm going to see if I can get someone to get them off the drive but I'm trying not to be too hopeful. I'm trying to let it seep in that I may have lost them and will need to rewrite them. There are so many "what ifs" running through my mind and I'm trying to block them out. It doesn't matter if I did anything else because it's too late to fix it. There is no going back now.

There is a barrier in my life right now and I need to get past it. I need to open up Word and start writing and stop thinking about what could have been. The only thing to do is move forward. Push Jen, push through this.

Write on!

This story is possibly going to turn into a novel. So far it's 160 pages typed up and I still have so much more to add to it. The very idea of this makes my stomach flip with excitement. This is the longest story I've written and to me that is a huge accomplishment. Even if it never gets published, even if people don't like it, all that matters that I wrote that much. To me, writing stories is my life but sometimes I get antsy and want to get to the end as fast as possible. So I cut it short or skip some details just so that I can say it's done. But not with this one. With this one all I want to do is make it longer. All I want to do is make it a novel.

In other news, I've gotten a lot of great feedback for Fall Into Me on my writing site (at writing.com) and it's made me feel great. They tell me I'm a good writer and that it deserves to be published. Even though I've never met these people, their words mean the world to me. Their words make me realize that my writing is important and that I should keep doing it. I will keep doing it an one day it will be available in bookstores.

Writing.com

I've taken the next step in my writing. I've joined a writing website where I can post all my stories and get ratings and reviews from other members. It's a great site and there are a lot of tips and tricks to help with my writing. I enter contests on it all the time and even though they do not pay out in money, they pay out in gift points which can be used around the site. I've won a couple and I continue to use the contest prompts to explore my writing further and help me along. And I love it.

In other news, I've been writing a new story and so far it's pretty long and I'm not nearly done. It's a love story (as most of my stories are) with a little twist (as most of my stories do) It involves three characters: Veronica, Ethan and Emmy and is told from each of their perspectives. Each chapter is titled with their name so that you know whose voice you're hearing. Ethan and Emmy have a past and dated for quite a while until Ethan broke it off. Six months later and she has flown into his life again and he can't get her out of his head and maybe he doesn't want to. But he has recently met another girl, Veronica, and has just as much, if not more, chemistry with her. For a while he is involved with both of them but then he makes the choice and chooses Veronica. Unfortunately Emmy is not going away any time soon and she is not happy with Ethan's new found love. But how far will she go to get Ethan back?

Veronica is a dreamer who wants nothing more than to find her happy ending and overcome the fear of being hurt. She watched her parents' marriage fall apart before her eyes and she plays by certain rules to make sure that won't happen to her. Ethan is a musician torn between his past and his future and Emmy is an actress ready to play any part she needs to in order to get what she wants most. And what she wants is her own happy ending.

I'm really excited for this story. I've been writing it every day and I'm already so attached to the characters. I have faith that it will turn out well. I've also been reading a lot which is important to me because the more I read, the more I know what publishers are looking for in novels. And I'm getting there and one day I will be there. I have no doubt in that.

Ready to go.

So it's done. I've finished the story and I couldn't be happier with it. And now I want everyone to read it. I've given it to a couple of my friends and now I'm just waiting on feedback. I joined a blog for writers that has tons of information such as agents looking for clients and publishers looking to publish. So here I am, ready to take the next step. I'm going to enter a couple of writing contests, get my name out there and then start sending this story out to agencies to see if anyone bites. It's my first time, so I'm not expecting a lot. I know I'll be rejected but I'll pick myself up, dust off my knees, and try again. I want people to see what I can do and to help me be better. I want to make my writing a career and I'm ready to start.

Other than that, I've been reading a lot this summer. I've finished five books and I'm itching to pick up the next one and keep going. I've been reading a lot of fairy tale inspired books and it's insipring me to write my own. We'll see, maybe that'll be my next project. One step at a time though, even though the ideas never stop flowing through my mind. Not that I'm complaining.

I've decided that the best part about making this blog is that I have ads at the bottom of my page. Now these ads relate to whatever the post is about. Now, being that my posts will all be about writing and trying to find writing jobs, so are these ads. I think they'll be more helpful then anything. Of course I'm not allowed to click on them through my page since I've put them on there to make money but that would be cheating (I hope I don't get in trouble for simply talking about it!) But copying and pasting is a talent we all possess and that's what I've been doing with them. So far I've found a pretty interesting freelance writing job site that sounds pretty cool. I'm thinking about submitting a sample writing piece and seeing where that will take me. There were a couple others that popped out at me but I haven't really had a lot of free time this weekend to check them out.

Good news is the little free time that I have had I've spent working on my story. I'm so excited about writing it that I can't wait to get home from work and just sit down and write. I feel such a connection to my characters that I feel bad when I don't write because then they don't get any further in life. Does that sound silly? It probably doesn't to any writers out there. I'm sure you all know exactly what I mean by that. And with that being said, it's time to help my cheerleader find out who she really is inside. Wish me luck.

.the starting line

So my mind has been very focused on my writing lately. I've already written two short stories (which in my case is an 80 page notebook) this year and I'm already halfway through my third one. When I'm writing, I feel alive. I connect with my characters, feel what they feel, live what they live and escape reality for a little while. And when I talk about my stories my face lights up and whoever I'm talking to can tell how passionate I am about them. Take my boyfriend for example, I ramble about my stories to him all the time. I tell him where I'm at in the story, how I feel about my characters, everything. In fact the other night I was talking to him about the story I'm writing now, about a high school cheerleader who falls for a guy in her class who could care less about her. Well one of my characters, Kelly, the cheerleader whose trying to be the reigning school queen (the main character has this title) is, well, a bitch. the biggest bitch. She is the epitome of a high school cheerleader and boy is she beginning to piss me off. But that's how I know she's good and I'm doing a good job writing her. My boyfriend finds it hilarious that I can separate myself from my characters as if I'm in the process of reading the story instead of writing it. I think this is a pretty good skill to have. It makes it all more fun, don't you think?

Anyway, back to my point. I've been writing so much lately that the thought of publishing comes up in my mind quite often. So I'm going to start checking things out, looking into different Canadian publishing companies and seeing what's out there and what I need to do to get into it - to get this done. I'm going to be a published author and I've started this blog to tell my story, to talk about my journey into this next step that I'm about to take in my life. Writing is my life, my passion, my skill. I went to Journalism school at Sheridan College and have many articles published in The Sheridan Sun, have been writing for an online music magazine for two years (www.soundproofmagazine.com) and have taken a creative writing course at the University of Toronto. I'm ready to take the next step and I want you to come with me.